I have been with my boyfriend for eight months now and have become completely obsessed with him. Before I leased my apartment I wanted he and I to move into together in May. My plan was also to have him propose to me next May and be married to him sometime the year after. I went online a couple of weeks ago and found an engagement ring I wanted him to propose to me with. Also the other day I was walking around the mall and found a bridal story in which I wanted to go and try on wedding dresses. My coworker, however, thankfully had something against the store and thought it best not to go in. Right now it is my mission in life to have him as my husband and I have become completely obsessed with the idea.
I have become so obsessed I am driving myself to insecurity and fear he will leave me. He thought it best not to move in with each other because he did not want us to spend so much time together in the case we grow tired of each other. It is a fair statement idea for him seeing as he is not the one obsessed. I on the other hand have found myself completely torn up about the whole thing. I even wished he would not find his own apartment so he could move in with me and live happily ever after. Unfortunately he did find an apartment as a reasonable cost and distance. He moves in next week. What torture! He's at his old apartment now studying when he could be at my apartment studying at my kitchen table.
He believes we have been spending too much time together and would like for us to see each 2-3 times a week to keep the relationship "fresh". Do I find that as an excuse for him to cheat on me? Do I believe he is cheating on me? Is that the typical excuse a man says to a girlfriend when he wants to insinuate a break? I do not believe so. I trust my boyfriend is fateful. What I do know is, he self-centered and enjoys the idea of me obsessing over him day in and day out until the weekend like a little puppy wanting on his master to come home from work. He wants me to keep aggressively texting him, calling, and asking to make time with him because it makes him feel good. It's making me go nuts!
Then again I must also hold myself responsible for some things. His GPA dropped last semester because we were spending too much time with each other rather than studying. He is taking rigorous summer classes in an attempt to graduate next May in which he needs total concentration rather than my silly company. I must admit I have become selfish. I want him to abandon his friends and include me in everything he does, including studying. I cannot help it. I cannot stop obsessing. I have expressed my obsession to my significant other which he annoying responds, "Awww" in an attempt to mock me. He is mocking me!!! He loves the fact he has become so irresistible that I am going mad. What a jerk!
I started this blog because it is obvious I have driven myself mad and need help putting my thoughts together. I am also writing this because I have not heard from him in three hours. I cannot with the slightest clue understand how someone can live so carefree without the slightest wonder of how their significant other is. It has been so long, I had to text him to see what he was up to just out of curiosity. I know he's studying, the usual. I also know he has a test tomorrow and is considering that his first priority. I was trying to be strong and not text him, but I caved. He has not texted me back either. I'm sure he wants absolute focus to make sure he does well on his second test; especially after he failed his first studying with me.
Hopefully this new blog with keep me sane!
